Dad has had a "good" [for him] week and a half or so. A couple of days ago, he swung back into mixing things up and insisting that the things he has mixed up are accurate.
Example:
Dad: I'm going to cancel the television [he means cable] because it was seventy five dollars and I can't afford that.
sapphoq: That is your cell phone that costs seventy five dollars, Dad. Your cable television costs less than five dollars a month.
Dad: No, it was seventy five dollars the television. The phone company is collecting money for the television company too.
sapphoq: The phone company is separate from the television company. The phone is seventy five dollars. The television is less than five dollars.
Dad: Yes I know that. The phone company collects its own money. The cable company charges for the television.
sapphoq: That's right.
Dad: The phone company also is collecting money for the television. It is seventy five dollars for the television. I can't afford that. I'll only get three channels up here. So I will have to hang out more in the living room downstairs to watch the other channels. And I have to get a job. I'm doing better now.
sapphoq refrains from banging her head into the wall.
Then there was the conversation with a relative over his cell phone. Dad was explaining that he was having difficulty working the cell phone now. Only, he kept calling it a "computer" because of his aphasia. Dad has been declining mentally and physically. Any remnants of skills that he had a couple of years ago with the computer are gone now. He is having difficulty with finding the contact list on the cell phone. Housemate and I are not financially affluent and would have difficulty buying Dad a simple black and white e-reader, never mind a computer of any sort.
Relative: Oh, you got your dad a computer.
sapphoq: No, Dad is referring to his cell phone as a computer.
Relative: Oh. I thought maybe you got him a computer.
My relatives can afford to be in denial over my dad's failing brain. For his safety, I cannot be. Some days, I feel the burden of that knowledge like a weight on my chest.
Today there was quite a bit of talk about "Obama is really wrecking the country," repeated several times at random. [The news was talking about the Inauguration ]. And some chatter about the "new company" [he thinks his assisted living home has been sold-- it hasn't] "is fixing things up and painting. They painted the kitchen the other day. The staff is screaming about it." [This is a ploy to get out of the assisted living home and into an apartment, a job, a car...]. "We'll have to see how it goes, Dad," I said.
Something came on the news about airplanes.
sapphoq: Dad, do you remember when you took me up in that little airplane in Hiserville?
Dad: Yes I do. We had to wait a long time at the airport that day.
sapphoq: I don't remember the wait. I do remember getting into the plane, the take off, and flying over the countryside. I remember looking out of the window and everything was getting smaller.
Dad: I wanted you to see what it was like to be flying.
sapphoq: That was so cool!
Dad: I didn't know that you liked it. You said very little that day.
[I didn't talk much as a kid. I was unusually quiet].
sapphoq: I really liked it!
As difficult as it is for me at times to bear witness to what is happening to my dad because of the dementia, my dad is the one who has the dementia. He has lost so much because of it.
As difficult as it is for me at times to acknowledge my dad's impending death [whenever that does occur], I am losing one person. My dad is losing everyone.
sapphoq on life
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