Gonna Drive Away

     A couple of days after the visit where we talked about death, I was greeted with this:

"I want to renew my driver's license."

[Yes, he still has one. I reported him. They re-tested him. He passed, slept with someone, or paid off a politician. Not sure which].

"Uh, maybe in the spring. Winter's coming."

"Okay."


     I can't blame him for wanting to escape all of this dying crap. I want to just drive away sometimes too.

     Through the course of his dementia, my hope has changed. Right now, it's "I hope he dies soon in his sleep before things get much worse."

     His hope has not changed. He wants to exercise his body back to the way it used to be. He wants his brain to power up. He wants his life the way it used to be. And I can't give him any of those things.

     My dreams take me on the trains traveling around the country-- something I haven't been able to do in awhile-- we really do have a great country. My dreams take me into the backwoods with only a backpack and an old dog. My dreams take me on a warm sunny beach someplace I have never been before. My dreams take me on a book tour for one of my books. [I've written one. Once that one gets put out in e-book form, it will be time to write book number two. I used to think that I had a book in me. Now I know I've got a bunch of them kicking around in there].

     His freedom is limited now. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about that.

                                  ~ sapphoq on life ~