Tired

       He is tired. So tired. He closes his eyes and sings along with the choir that has come to entertain the old people. It is near the end of his life. He can feel that. Death has entered through the back door. She waits for him swishing her skirts. A breeze dances by. It tickles his sunken cheekbones. Not quite yet.

     After, he will accept a cup of punch thickened with powder so he can drink it without choking too much. He will refuse the offer of a cookie. His taste has changed. Food he used to enjoy now not so much.

     The shakiness of confusion is evident in his quiet voice. He turns to me and tells me that someone here at the home has stolen his wallet. This is a claim that he makes often. "The boss lady has your wallet in a safe so other people can't steal it," I remind him. He mutters something about social security checks. I know he is thinking about getting a part-time job and his own apartment. But he can no longer do those things. His past enjoyment and independence are now fading memories.

     "It's time for you to go now," he says gently. And I know he is tired. I take my leave, unsure as always as to whether or not he will be alive in a few more days.

                                     ~ sapphoq on life ~

On The Wind

Death is on the wind by sapphoq 8/11/2014

"People come in here and people go out of here. Some of them die."

"Yes."

"Am I going to die soon?"

"What do you think?"

"Yes, that could be on the wind."

"I think so too. Are you afraid to die?"

"No."

[redacted]

"What's going to happen to me?"

"When you can't stay here safely, you're going to move to the  hospice."

"Okay."

"What comes next after the walker?"

"A wheelchair. But using a wheelchair is better than not being able
 to go places."

"Okay."


     Some years ago, Gloria Thomas put out a New Age album called, "When I Become The Wind." Her husband B.J. Thomas was featured on it along with some other folks. I could not find the lyrics to the title song on the web. I only found one site-- in New Zealand-- that still sells the album. I have the cassette tape.

     "When I Become the Wind" is about death. Unless you have the album yourself or are better at web searching than I am, you'll have to take my word for it. It is a haunting melody.

     During my own near death experience (triggered by fear and not by being close to dying), a wind knocked me back and I awoke. The idea of death being a wind or of us becoming wind after we die is not alien to me.

     Until the above conversation, I pictured Death at the backdoor and waiting for Dad to be ready to go. Now I think she is the wind that will free him from his physical body. After Death there is nothing. Just the wind whispering that Love Was Here.

                              ~ sapphoq on life ~