Outsider's Manifesto

I am here because I am myself.  I am alone in my own skin.  I no longer seek to fill up my interstitial spaces with the stuff of a society that I do not fit into and that I do not comprehend.  I have not deliberately sought to be a non-conformist.  I do not object to following the rules if I know what the rules are and they make sense to me.  I do not often know what the rules are or why I should follow them.  This causes me to be classified as an outsider-- and at times extra-legal-- by others.

I am practical.  I like gently worn, soft clothing.  I like sensible shoes.  I don't like wool, polyester, or the holes in weave when a wind kicks up.  I have been accused of dressing in a uniform style.  I don't understand why that is a problem.  I like the way I dress.  There is no make-up or hair treatment chemicals in my life.  I have no one that I wish to impress with anything akin to a fashion sense.
 
I am quiet.  I am given to fits of solitude interspersed with periods of superficial sociability.  I have many thoughts but few spoken words.  I think in patterns.  I embrace my passions.  I have no desire to edit them for the sake of your comfort-ability.  I like what I like.

Bits of songs wander into my brain at random.  At times I will sing these bits to the dog who appears to love it, or at least doesn't seem to mind.  I make up words that I have forgotten.  I alter words as I wish.  When I am singing, I am happy.  You do not always get my jokes.  I don't always get yours either.  I relish laughter.  I am not afraid to laugh out loud when I find something funny, amusing, or unexpected.

I don't remember faces all that well.  I use hair and voices to identify others.  If you describe the face of someone that you think I know, I will usually stop you.  That doesn't help at all.  There are other things that I also don't do well.  I am not into participating in any sort of team sports.  I am athletically awkward.  I run like a duck.  My jog is very slow.  I stumble, trip over my feet, walk into things.  I usually wear a hat or a visor to block light and glare.  I favor soft dull light and low wattage bulbs.  I can hear fluorescent lights.  I can tell when one of them is about to burn out.  I am highly distractible.  Multi-tasking is something I avoid.  I do everything at my own pace.  When working on a problem [usually related to getting something or other to run correctly] I am determined beyond the point of stubbornness.  I can work on a problem or on something that interests me for hours at a time.  If I am not interested, I don't last very long at all.  I have a random chaotic style of doing things.  My organizing skills are practically non-existent.

I am somewhat ambidextrous.  On the rare occasion that I consent to iron something, I iron with my left hand.  I eat using both hands.  I can draw with either hand.  I can write with both hands at the same time going forwards, backwards, upside-down left to right, upside-down right to left.  When I take things apart, I use both hands equally well. 

I am playful.  I play with words, computers, code.  I like to put stuff together in unexpected ways.  I prefer to start at the ending and then work my way up and backwards.  Trouble-shooting and investigating are two things that I do well at.

I am curious about many things.  My passions immerse my whole being.  I want to know how stuff works, the whys of form and function, what gets you out of bed in the morning.  I love trains, exploring new places, learning a new language, rendering photographs that I've taken into works of art.  I love textures and colors and grains.  I collect rocks.  I think old stuff is pretty cool.  I prefer interactive history over dull recitations of sentences committed to rote memory.  The smells of an office supply store, flowers, and a field after a rain are attractive to me.  The taste of ice cream envelopes my tongue and throat.  I can read grade one Braille using only my fingers and not my eyes at all.  My clumsiness disappears when I dance.  When I close my eyes, I see color-stories when listening to music.  The color emitting from a public unsanitary bathroom makes me nauseous.  I can swim like a fish and I love all water.  When I am in the woods, I feel free.  I am made of Carl Sagan's starstuff, born of the ocean, a lover of movement.  I wander and ramble through many places.  I am here because I am my own true self.  I am.

sapphoq on life